one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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