my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Randomize
