i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
