I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
