The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
