census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
