Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god was she eating orange peels again
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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