I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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