he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
