my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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