i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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