quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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