Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
