if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
