Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
