if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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