Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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