I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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