Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
