Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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