I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize