I got chris browned last night
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
