my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
