Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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