hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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