I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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