I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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