If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
