kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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