That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He? As in you personified your dick?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
