you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
