Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
