you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I wish there were birth control emojis
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
