I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I need a beard to bite.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
