Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
