Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
