And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
