you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
