so explain again why im purple
no
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
