Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
