Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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