We won't sleep together?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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