She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
