yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
