I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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