dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
