Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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