I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
