Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
