At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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