i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
