Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
this hospital has no fireball
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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