I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
