I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
