Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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