You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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