I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
