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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
