Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
