Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
