I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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