Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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