I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
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We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
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I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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