I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
