Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
